Goth gf and tomboy gf fighting over vague boy one can self insert into
Corpse and puppy fight over attention of barely described placeholder.
I…
I see myself in this meme and I…
Fuck me…
The vampire girl would apparently want to
Oh yeah, fuck me too…
People still getting introverted mixed up with socially inept? JFC
I read that whole thing waiting for the assuredly sweet action sequence they were hyping up all the way through the book until the end. All that talking about how the vampires use their powers to fight, like how Edythe can read her opponent’s mind and react accordingly, or how Archie can predict fragments of the future and use those to his advantage, or about Jessamine’s mysterious military training. Then the entire action sequence happens off screen and Beau just wakes up after it’s all resolved.
Also, can we talk about how continuously Eleanor gets shat on in the book? She’s introduced as the strongest Cullen, only for each subsequent Cullen family member’s introduction to explain why Eleanor actually sucks and is useless. She doesn’t even get to be the tallest vampire, despite how much hay is made about her intimidating stature. Look Steph: just include some plot point that involves her hucking a truck at someone at some point during the book and we’re good.
But honestly having read it yes I now fully understand why Twilight was as popular as it was (is a popular as it is?).
Considering Twilight is a basic shojo manga trope–where the most handsome boys in school fall for the very common-looking girl protagonist. When it’s reversed it’s just a harem trope in Japanese shonen manga…
This would never happen irl tho because gender norms which is why it would sell out as a movie almost immediately 😂
Also werewolves aren’t real
But vampires are?
Shh… they’ll hear you.
Muscly
Perfectly cromulent
I am down for this. I can’t wait to see the backlash.
Obligatory oatmeal:
It’s been years since I reread this and I still call her “Pants”.
Aw man, I forgot about his random homophobia :(
Really? When? Why?
Halfway through the linked post, when he talks about if you like twilight as a man
Well when you put it like that…
Still a better love story than twi… Wait…
Underworld
deleted by creator
Hmmm, still wouldn’t do it for the majority of the male population. You’ll need to make the fighting occur because neither of them wants to be saddled with the pathetic excuse for a craven coward that the ‘prophetic hero’ turned out to be, and they’re being told they have to make the prophecy happen so the world could be saved. Then, over the course of the story, it turns out the werewolf girl has magical properties in her blood that allow the vampire chick to power up and defeat the BBEG. The twist? The powers in the blood only activate when she experiences the bond of human love from the pathetic hero they’re now dragging towards destiny, so the two women folk monsters must team up to win the heart of said pathetic hero despite his raging craven fear of them. Obviously there will be a sensual scene of the vampire sucking blood from the werewolf.
Boom. I just wrote the next hollywood flick. Good thing the strike is over.
Disney would unironically hire you as a writer since they are 100% into the same type of bottom fetish shit that you are into.
Wtf is this shìt
Dude, keep your baby bottom fetish to yourself
Actor’s strike is still on.
Also, you need writing classes.
And to actually meet people. Stop listening to the Tate Bros.
The werewolf I understand entirely. They’re both awkward, horny kids trying to find their place. The century old vampire creeping on a teenager is where it gets weird.
And who would have expected that Jacobs place happened to be in prison, where he should go after falling in love with a literal newborn
it’s not his FAULT your honor he couldn’t HELP but form a love bond with an unborn vampire baby your honor you’d understand if you were a werewolf your honor
Yeah, this is the part I can’t get past. WTF is Edward doing creeping around underage girls all the time?
I always assumed vampires are sort of stuck their age mentally as well, for the most part. They can get more wisdom and knowledge but emotionally and sexually they’re whatever age they got turned in. So a 200 year old vampire that got turned at 17 is basically a 17 year old in that way.
Sounds like something a vampire pedo would say.
Hey now! That’s actually hebophilia. Thank you very much.
/s
More like haemophilia if you ask me
That’s a pretty good theory. It still skeeves me out though
So where does that leave 2000 year old vampire lolis?
The ones.
Dead because in twilight the Volturi kill child vampires.
I suppose that’s why Twilight never had an anime adaptation.
The werewolf “imprints” on Bella’s unborn vampire baby later in the series, so fortunately the scales of creepiness end up balanced between Team Edward and Team Jacob.
He literally falls in love with a god damn fetus
She didn’t know how else to resolve the local wolf/vampire conflict so she could escalate the threat level to the euro trash vampires.
Casually outting yourself as having read the books.
All of them, sadly. Didn’t watch the movies though, I can’t re-live the trauma.
Me too, buddy. Me too.
I read them alongside a friend and met up for coffee to discuss after; we devoured them as they came out and about ¾ of the way through the final book we both just said “What the fuck are we reading?”
Stephanie Meyer knows how to make you turn pages.
What’s the problem with that? I would assume most people of tween/teen reading age did in the time they were popular. They were a phenomenon.
Casually outing yourself as hating things teenage girls like.
I was casually outting myself as having read them too lol.
Then no need to feel embarrassed about something you might have enjoyed at the time! :)
We’re allowed to like what we like, especially as kids. Give your younger self a break lol
But… my younger self regretted it? Look, okay I hated on Twilight before it was cool. Y’all just copycats. I’m going to my room!
Sure why not. There is a ton of interesting horror and fantasy material hidden under the trashy paperback romance.
Tbf when you’re a centuries old vampire, everyone’s too young for you
The original “What we do in the shadows” addressed that pretty well, when protagonist started dating his old crush when she’s a 70+ year-old woman and has to apologize for being a bit too old for her.
You could at least stick to young adults and older instead of high schoolers
Not particularly. If you’ve ever discussed anything of substance with an amateur colleague in your field, you might find novelty in the fresh perspective or even some minor nostalgia. When they meet, Bella is less than a colleague of life. She is a strangely shaped Labrador, which is fitting in that he grooms the shit out of her.
Difference is that it would be pornography, as nature intended, rather than aimed at all ages while middle aged soccer moms masturbate with cucumbers in the mall theater.
Oddly specific, what have you seen?
US Republicans
Horrible things.
