I’ve heard before that the generous bulges of this era have something to do with knights having rampant syphilis and needing more room to breathe.
Isn’t history neat?
They would also stuff it with herbs to help alleviate the pain and catch anything that might cause stains.
Or they just had them made large so that their descendants think they were more endowed than they really were. Like paying an artist to make your portrait prettier
When did people start thinking big wangs were cool? Cuz I’ve seen some ancient Roman and Greek stuff that had the opposite view of large genitals with sentiments like “a man with a big penis is only good at having sex, and having sex is basically useless.”
There’s a set of Henry’s armor hanging out at the Met as well. I was pleasantly surprised to bump into it en route to see the gaudy-as-hell frame they put on Washington Crossing the Delaware.
Since we can’t meet Henry himself, meeting one of his suits of armor is the next best thing. It wasn’t nearly as fat as the paintings would suggest.
He might have been fat later, maybe!
You’re not wrong.
BONK
Custom fit, I see
History confirms Henry VIII had huge scathing fragile ego problems. So this all tracks.
The theory I’ve heard is that he loved jousting and took a lot of head injuries. Post Concussion Syndrome explains a lot of his personality.
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Bloodlust
Makes a fair maiden wonder 🫦
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I can’t unsee the second one as a huge frenulum, it’s a painful mental image.
That’s how insecure people coped back then. Lifted pickup trucks didn’t exist yet.
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Sad to think we never got armor nuts
It’s never too late to follow your dreams lastunusedusername2.
I’ve heard that it is not uncommon for men to get erections during or after battle due to adrenaline and increase in blood pressure. I can imagine that this might be very uncomfortable in a full suit of armor. Maybe these enlarged cad pieces were an attempt to address that.
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You fight a dragon and get to the gorgeous princess that you risked your life for, the love of your life, you still got that armor on, you are going full mast, the fool is the one without armor to support it as they never truly believed they would defeat the dragon in the first place.
It somehow feels very appropriate that you called them cad pieces.
Ha. I didn’t even notice. I think my phone autocorrected.
Doesn’t pass the smell test for me. Erections are the result of nitric oxide release relaxing vasculature to allow more blood to flow in no?
Like, isn’t cocaine dick a thing?
Choadpiece
Imagine hitting a dent in that bulge. Metal doesn’t dent back out, I’ll be a struggle to walk or strip your armor while it is crushed the entire time.
It is today’s equivalent to catching it between your zipper.
…and now all I can think about is Warren, from There’s Something About Mary, chasing an armored knight Ted around yelling, “BANGERS & MASH!!! BANGERS AND MASH!”
Easy. Just get an erection to force the metal back out.
I can’t wait to find this comment in my history after having forgotten the context.
Or to see it as Google’s “AI Overview” recommendation for knights and armorers.
Cod pieces are like toques. There is no flesh in there.
It reminds me of this more recent fashion trend:
That’s because back then we had less poligons to go around.
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Medieval version of driving a big car :)
Now I kinda want to know what constitutes medieval truck nuts…
there you go :)
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Beautiful… just beautiful
How many cods can they fit in there?
Salted or fresh?
That’s a pretty fucking personal question innit?
Tis, tis.
Imagine being a regular foot soldier in this era, wearing some leather armour and maybe chain mail. Then this steel behemoth comes at you with his pals.
Leather armor was mostly not a thing. Afaik you’d be using a padded armor like gambeson or brigandine
Wot did you say?
I said, “codpiece face!”
Wot did you say?!
I said codpiece face!
Wot did you say?!
I said -
Look, don’t be evasive!
Oh, sod it
Sir Edmond of The Rusty Dongs: “Oi, fit bird, I wanna take you 'ome and give you a ride in me full kit until you come down with the rusty nail and Jack the Ripper.”
