I’m going to bring you all down. When I was suicidal and less stable (thank you Zoloft), I used to think like this. My thought process was less like “I can escape to the next plane of existence” and was more like: “hopefully heat death is wrong and big crunch is right. If so, we will endure infinite expansions and contractions. I’m bound to ‘come back’ in one of those instances.”
Glad you’re still here. I think it helps to speculate that our lives very well could be a small moment of wonderful experience in a cosmically vast existence of our consciousness. There could be an eternity of boredom or pain or who knows what after this which we would experience and think “damn, I wish I’d enjoyed life more while I had it.” So cutting that short would be our biggest regret if we continue to experience anything afterwards, and if it’s not like that, well we’ll get there eventually anyway.
I was nearly suicidal at one point. I took a step back and realized “if I’m at a point in which I think I’ve got nothing to lose, then why not take a wild risk to try to get to a better place?” I made a ton of big changes between 2014 and 2017, and I’m much happier for it now. Career change to more than double my pay (quadruple at this point), dumped a bad gf that I didn’t realize I could do better than, met my current wife, saved more money, cut back on drinking by quite a bit, learned a lot, etc. When your down and near the end, swing for the fences; you could get the home run that gets you a win.
ive had that same response and it’s a pretty decent one. if you follow thru, some big changes can happen in a short time, stuff you’d never even imagined.
“if I’m at a point in which I think I’ve got nothing to lose, then why not take a wild risk to try to get to a better place?”
The problem I have with that is I know I can make things way worse rather than better by taking risks so I end up stuck where I am. I took a lesser risk a few years ago and thankfully only moved laterally, nothing really improved but at least I didn’t make it worse.
I just need a “fuck it” attitude, but that’s never been in my character. I’m more of a “worry about everything” person because “luck” is never on my side, I need to MAKE things happen or they never work out… If I don’t have control over it, it fails. I really envy people that just seem to float through life, having everything work out as they wanted lol
As far as the suicide goes, I’m basically “not allowed” to. I’m thankful that I have family that care about me and would be crushed if anything happened to me. Plus I know I’ll have to take care of my older brother when my parents are gone, so no matter how much I don’t want to be here, I have to be.
As far as the cosmos goes, I’m one that tends to believe what we have is all we have, there is no “again.”
Thanks for sharing. My most toxic coping mechanism is humor, hence the post. The best way I can process things sometimes is by laughing at the idea of suicide.
I’m going to bring you all down. When I was suicidal and less stable (thank you Zoloft), I used to think like this. My thought process was less like “I can escape to the next plane of existence” and was more like: “hopefully heat death is wrong and big crunch is right. If so, we will endure infinite expansions and contractions. I’m bound to ‘come back’ in one of those instances.”
These days, I can wait to find out.
Glad you’re still here. I think it helps to speculate that our lives very well could be a small moment of wonderful experience in a cosmically vast existence of our consciousness. There could be an eternity of boredom or pain or who knows what after this which we would experience and think “damn, I wish I’d enjoyed life more while I had it.” So cutting that short would be our biggest regret if we continue to experience anything afterwards, and if it’s not like that, well we’ll get there eventually anyway.
I was nearly suicidal at one point. I took a step back and realized “if I’m at a point in which I think I’ve got nothing to lose, then why not take a wild risk to try to get to a better place?” I made a ton of big changes between 2014 and 2017, and I’m much happier for it now. Career change to more than double my pay (quadruple at this point), dumped a bad gf that I didn’t realize I could do better than, met my current wife, saved more money, cut back on drinking by quite a bit, learned a lot, etc. When your down and near the end, swing for the fences; you could get the home run that gets you a win.
ive had that same response and it’s a pretty decent one. if you follow thru, some big changes can happen in a short time, stuff you’d never even imagined.
“if I’m at a point in which I think I’ve got nothing to lose, then why not take a wild risk to try to get to a better place?”
The problem I have with that is I know I can make things way worse rather than better by taking risks so I end up stuck where I am. I took a lesser risk a few years ago and thankfully only moved laterally, nothing really improved but at least I didn’t make it worse.
I just need a “fuck it” attitude, but that’s never been in my character. I’m more of a “worry about everything” person because “luck” is never on my side, I need to MAKE things happen or they never work out… If I don’t have control over it, it fails. I really envy people that just seem to float through life, having everything work out as they wanted lol
As far as the suicide goes, I’m basically “not allowed” to. I’m thankful that I have family that care about me and would be crushed if anything happened to me. Plus I know I’ll have to take care of my older brother when my parents are gone, so no matter how much I don’t want to be here, I have to be.
As far as the cosmos goes, I’m one that tends to believe what we have is all we have, there is no “again.”
To paraphrase Neal Stephenson, you come from “a long line of stupendous badasses”. Why not take a flying fuck at life?
Thanks for sharing. My most toxic coping mechanism is humor, hence the post. The best way I can process things sometimes is by laughing at the idea of suicide.
yeah. state of mind can affect view a lot more than people usually realize.