The kid adores me, he doesn’t even go to her for… anything, he comes to me. Why? Cuz he knows I’ll get down to actually doing what he wants me to do and play with him with the legos on the floor (she can’t do that, she can barely walk 100m), play with water pistols, whatever. I actually don’t like doing that, I would love the kid to love his mom, but he won’t even go hug her, he hugs her for a split second and then runs away… and then she starts crying, weeping how he doesn’t love mom, so I guilt him into going back and hugging mom “mommy loves you very much, you know this, look at how she’s upset and crying… come on, go and give her a big long hug ☺️”. I mean… I would really want him to love her sincerely, but I get his POV. She never plays with me, she never pays any ettention to me, she just snaps the camera at me from time to time and that’s it… that is not what I asked for mom. Memories are great, but that won’t compensate for the time you’re supposed to spend with me here and now.

We are way passed seeking for professional help as well. We tried that once, didn’t work out. She always keeps on going about my flaws, and you just feel… like shit to be honest. Like I really have no positive sides to my personality. Sure, I may be forgetful, but I’ve corrected most of that with using reminders. But, no, putting back the cheese on the same shelf and place where she left it seems really important 🤦. I mean… come on… she’s just nitpicking, not to get to talking about the real issues. Still, I was willing to give it another try, asked her when we should schedule at the therapist, she said she thinks it’s a waste of time and not to schedule. OK 🤷… hey I gave it a shot, she asked to call it off. So, now, we basically share the same therapist, just don’t do couples therapy. I’m on antidepressants, she stopped taking hers a while ago 🤦… I didn’t even ask why, that’s how over I am this thing, I don’t even fuckin’ care. Now, I’m just waiting for the kid to turn 10, so we don’t have to fight over custody, to file for divorce.

Living like roomates was on the table, proposed by me, she didn’t accept it. She says she still loves me and that she’s not willing to accept sharing me… wtf, it’s not sharing if I don’t give AF who you’re with and neither do you. Heck, I even told her that she could bring over whoever she likes, no prob, as long as the kid is asleep or not at home (maybe at granma/granpa). I wasn’t even gonna do that, but I told her she could if she wanted… nope, that would be cheating 🤦 😂… at that point I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I tried explaining to her that this thing we have, whatever it is, it’s not working. I’m not willing to divorce cuz of the kid, but she put that as the only option on the table, as long as she gets to keep our son. What? No fucking way b*tch, after everything I put into this relationship and raising our child, you get to walk away with him, not to mention he doesn’t even like you? No freaking way! We stay together c*nt, whether you like it or not! Or you hand him over to me right now, and yes, we can call it quits. She said she would rather rot in prison for killing me than letting that happen.

The last part is how our “conversations” usually end, with her doing low blows and doing personal insults. I don’t actually insult her, the c*nt and b*tch part is what I would actually like to say, but that’s below me as a person. I believe in rationally talking about our differences and reaching a compromise. Compromise in her view is her way or the highway. She says it’s not like that, but every time I thought we’ve reached a compromise about something, she throws a fit the next day and just throw in unrealistic conditions to the agreement we’ve already agreed upon. You just can’t win with a person like that, period.

Yeah, my kid is about the only thing that makes me happy these days ☺️. I try and not to think about the rest, just stay positive, cuz I am a really just this happy go round positive person and a joker in general (sometimes I can cross lines, but people know me and know I’m just joking 😁, luckily it’s very very rare nowadays, I’ve learned a few lessons since I was a teen 😂, and I apologize right after that for my big mouth 🤐). I just love joking and positive people in general. And I can’t solve this problem, at least not currently, so why bother 🤷. Just do things that make you happy, ignore her as much as possible, and let life pass by. Hopefully, the future will bring better solutions.