Good morning everyone.

Sometimes I feel lost. I am 30 years old and the friends I have are the same friends ten years ago and they all still drink excessive alcohol. I am totally fine getting wasted once a year but they still do that every time we meet up.

I am also getting married soon, while I love my soon to be wife I get this huge feeling of anxiety when it comes towards our wedding. I invited most of my above friends because I don’t have any other friends. I wasted my 20s and thinking those are my friends but in the end I notice they are just drinking buddies. I don’t want to make them sound bad they are friendly people and they work and have degrees but the only connection I have to them is the bottle.

I wish I could just make a small wedding without inviting them and just cut ropes. But I already sent out the invites a year ago and organised most of the stuff for the wedding so I am going through it with them. And again, I don’t hate them. I just probably have like two close friends out of those 15 people and thats it. The rest is alcohol.

I am also in the process of building a house. We will be paying 1300 € to the bank the next 25 years and I designed the credit with my bank that I can pay it off with my salery alone in case my wife doesn’t work. I have about 3200 € a month after taxes and my (soon) wife 2400 € a month after taxes, so it seems possible.

Now the construction company of our house is slower than expected (planned to move in february and its gonna be may) and the wedding is july.

I wish I could take a sleeping pill and wake up next year.

Edit: Thank you to all for the kind answers and it helped me think about it from a different perspective and perhaps take things easier! Thanks

  • Tarquinn2049@lemmy.worldEnglish
    13·
    11 months ago

    That does all sound pretty normal/common. No worries on making any solid plans to drop the friends you don’t feel close to, it will happen naturally over time. Just focus on the ones you want to keep, make sure you are putting energy into those relationships.

    Make sure that “accelerated payments” are at least an option for your mortgage/financing. So that if you do find in the future that you can spare a bit of cash, you can always pay extra on the house. Clearing it sooner saves a pretty insane amount of money.

    In that same vein, try not to carry a balance on any credit cards. Pay them off fully every month. Credit card debt is easy to accidentally carry, and it’s crazy expensive. Always do the math on what your various sources of debt are actually costing you, and pay off the worst ones most aggressively.

    And after all that, the next most important thing is to make sure you are enjoying life. It’s easy to get too wrapped up in things that feel more important than having a good time. But all the important stuff has a purpose, and the purpose is to increase your comfort, it can’t do that if you don’t let it. Find a balance that feels right for you.

    Also, make sure you can talk to your wife, and hopefully the rest of your family about this sort of stuff too. Gain the perspective of as many people as possible, without having to gain it first hand yourself. Life is big, we are each of us small. But together, we can add up to be pretty big too.