Good morning everyone.
Sometimes I feel lost. I am 30 years old and the friends I have are the same friends ten years ago and they all still drink excessive alcohol. I am totally fine getting wasted once a year but they still do that every time we meet up.
I am also getting married soon, while I love my soon to be wife I get this huge feeling of anxiety when it comes towards our wedding. I invited most of my above friends because I don’t have any other friends. I wasted my 20s and thinking those are my friends but in the end I notice they are just drinking buddies. I don’t want to make them sound bad they are friendly people and they work and have degrees but the only connection I have to them is the bottle.
I wish I could just make a small wedding without inviting them and just cut ropes. But I already sent out the invites a year ago and organised most of the stuff for the wedding so I am going through it with them. And again, I don’t hate them. I just probably have like two close friends out of those 15 people and thats it. The rest is alcohol.
I am also in the process of building a house. We will be paying 1300 € to the bank the next 25 years and I designed the credit with my bank that I can pay it off with my salery alone in case my wife doesn’t work. I have about 3200 € a month after taxes and my (soon) wife 2400 € a month after taxes, so it seems possible.
Now the construction company of our house is slower than expected (planned to move in february and its gonna be may) and the wedding is july.
I wish I could take a sleeping pill and wake up next year.
Edit: Thank you to all for the kind answers and it helped me think about it from a different perspective and perhaps take things easier! Thanks
So TOTALLY normal! I think most young adults at your stage of life have felt like you feel now (I know I did).
You don’t need to make a drastic change like dropping all of your friends urgently; like another commenter said, it’ll happen naturally over time. It’s a good idea to try and not burn bridges in your life, because everyone matures eventually (though it’s natural to drift apart from people while you’re in different stages of life).
One thing I do recommend: find a mentor. This would be an older person (ideally your same gender) who is just a bit further along than you (maybe at the kid stage if life, even if you’re not planning on having kids). A mentor can help ease your anxieties and help you level set for your next phase of life.
I’ve had luck finding mentors through religion (Christianity for me), but there are also mentoring clubs in most major cities. An elderly relative can also be a mentor, but I don’t have any of those. Start by asking a potential mentor out for coffee and then ask them for some advice. You’ll know if it’s a good fit because their advice will be wise, they won’t have an agenda, and they’re happy to give the advice.
You can always change who you want to be.