One more: vaccines are a miracle of science that save our lives and if you are an antivaxxer you are subscribing to weaponized disinformation and being a moron.
A good way of shifting your mentality if you’re apprehensive about something like pursuing a change of career, a new hobby or whatever, is to ask yourself the question “what if it all worked out?”.
It’s a simple thing but it can completely alter how you approach things.
My no nonsense easten European coworker once said “If you have even one red flag about your relationship, get out and don’t look back. Don’t waste your time.” She’s completely right. Get out before you get mired into a situation that’ll never change.
One thing that Reddit did teach me is that work doesn’t really matter and you shouldn’t knock yourself out for any job, because they’d replace you in a heartbeat and will underpay and micromanage you no matter how good a job you do.
Not sure that first bit of advice is a good blanket policy, but it depends on who’s deciding how significant a negative trait must be to constitute a red flag. Some will take this advice to mean you should expect nothing short of perfection and that’s just unrealistic. If you walk away from every flaw you find, you’ll be alone. My partner and I have been together 13 years. We are well aware of each other’s flaws, so we work on them and do what we can to mitigate the impact they have on our relationship. But we also both know that if either of us does something egregious that crosses the line, that ends the relationship. Unconditional love is stupid. There should always be conditions.
Anyway, I think it’s useful to pair that advice with “know what your red flags are” so you can identify and separate the imperfections from the deal breakers.
I think red flag means something more extreme. Like not “can’t handle failing” which is just human and more “act out in their failures by racking up their credit cards”. Which is tactical manipulation.
Don’t set yourself alight to keep yourself warm. Not always easy, but it is something I believe. You can only do so much if someone isn’t willing to help themself.
“Is this gonna matter at your funeral?” A friend asked me this once.
Questions the gravity of the circumstances, and how much you should care (if at all).
Will you really remember this event in five hours, or five days, or five years?
React accordingly.
Not religious, but “Steady plodding bring prosperity”.
All my life I have watched as many of those around me struggle to stay consistent in their lives, and have worse outcomes as a result.
Inconsistent with their savings habits.
Inconsistent in their employment efforts.
Inconsistent with their love lives.
Inconsistent with taking care of themselves.
Consistency provides a basis for better long term results. Very little success is possible in almost any endeavor without it.
Though I’ve found it personally frustrating to remain consistent in my own life, the benefits of doing so I have found to be exponential, although late and taken for granted by others who weren’t consistent.
Another is: “What are you willing to give up to get what you want?”
All too many things are zero-sum, and though consumer capitalist systems often pretend “you can have it all”, you can’t.
Honest reflection about what is most important to yourself, and what personal sacrifices are required to obtain your goal, makes the goal easier to obtain.
Many sacrifices that are needed are clear from the offset, but by being honest and willing before the endeavour, those future sacrifices are less traumatic. Other sacrifices pop up along the way, and it’s important to re-evaluate at intervals whether your end goal is still worth it.
For love: “Prequalify your spouse.”
People lead with their hearts often where their heads can’t follow.
Sure they may be attractive, or have an amazing personality, or be rich, but do you KNOW them?
Is their fading beauty or quick wit or checking balance able to really make up for their poor treatment of others, latent racism or sexism, politics, religious adherence, stance on having children, intention in the future to care for ailing family, or poor spending habits? What about if they believe it’s appropriate to hit your future kids, or demand the kids are their religion, or can’t be gay? What if they refuse to travel or relocate? What if they don’t clean up after themselves or never take responsibility for their failings?
It is imperative to long term relationship success that you spend enough time for both partners to actually understand each other, because there is more to long term compatibility related to shared values than there is to sexual attraction.
Most often this advice results in people realizing they haven’t given enough thought themselves to what and why they believe is the best way to live their own lives, and where those values came from.
I’ve got loads more, but those are a great start.
The 3 H’s. When someone in your life comes up to you with a problem, you either figure out, or ask them; if they want to be Hugged, Heard or Helped.
A lot of the time when someone is venting at you, they just want to be heard and understood, and I’m the type of man to want to immediately fix the issue, and it’s a bit invasive and often off the mark, so I reign myself in and ask them if they want to be Hugged, Heard or Helped. More often than not, they just want to vent and don’t want me butting in with solutions to their issues.
So the next time someone confides in you, take a step back and analyse how you should respond going forward, it really helped me understand more.
Wow great advice and also works in Italian if you change H with A: Abbracciare, Ascoltare, Aiutare.
Damn good advice. Thank you for that
Love this idea. It’s an idea that’s easy to break down to children as well, help them narrow down their options when someone is talking to them.
This is one that will stick with me for sure.
deleted by creator
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE
100%. Don’t talk to the police.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
When speaking to anyone in law enforcement, don’t.
If you don’t speak at all, you must have something to hide, therefore you are resisting. Would you prefer a beating, a sitting on your neck or a couple of bullet holes? You have the liberty of choice.
Never threaten someone with something, if you cannot execute the threat.
That’s great advice, and it pairs well with all the words of wisdom regarding not speaking or acting in anger.
Often people threaten in situations where they know they are powerless and cannot act, whether on a threat or anything else. When you have power and you know it, you act differently, more confidently, and as though you know nothing is lost by keeping the mouth shut until ready to act.
But your threats speak for you as well. They warn your opponent how and where you intend to strike them, should you ever be able to do so, and tell an observant enemy exactly how you think and what would frighten or piss you off, because that’s what you’re trying to do to them by threatening them.
Your entire appearance, tone of voice, and choice of words also tell an opponent a lot of the real truth about your immediate attitude and maturity level, and whether you’re personally even worth changing their course to help.
Threats are a product of fear and anger, and are not nearly as threatening as the people making them think they are. If you want to threaten, act cool and confident. Laugh at them when they start getting flustered.
“Oh” and “heh, okay” are how to respond to threats being made to you, like they just don’t matter and your real position is whatever pal, if it makes you feel better. This level of near-total non-response gives you time to evaluate the situation and do nothing you’ll regret, or to do something later that you’ve planned out far better than making angry threats in the heat of the moment.
Threats are almost always the most stupid tactic there is. You’re gonna call my boss and have my job? Not before I call him, lol. But thanks for letting me know. Have a nice day.
This is how threats telegraph weakness to people who are accustomed to holding power. If you want someone to know for sure you hold no cards, start whipping out threats.
TL;DR: Threats are best avoided until you are truly ready to act. And if you can’t act, keep it shut until you can.
Well elaborated. I struggle with words, but this is on point
Here’s a rule of life: You don’t get to pick what bad things happen to you.
If it is to be, it is up to me.
I was always tired of relying on others only to be let down and disappointed. I remember seeing a motivational poster in highschool and it stuck.
This was given to me during a Process Safety class in college, and I’ll never forget it: in the workplace, “Always have a stupid-question buddy.” Try your best to direct your questions to someone who’s not your boss as you learn the ropes. That way, you can be comfortable asking those questions on basics that really need to be asked in order to do your job properly, and not look like an idiot to the person that performs your performance reviews.
“Leadership is simple. Take care of your people and make a decision.”
This is from a USAF Major who was once one of the first dudes in Afghanistan after 9/11, working with green berets when he was enlisted. He said that it’s amazing how easy it can be to lose sight of those two basic things.
“Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed”.
It’s an inversion of the saying that ends in “worth doing well”, and it sticks with me because it’s genuinely good advice.
Like, turning in a half-completed assignment for a failing grade is way less harmful to one’s GPA than failing to turn in anything and taking a “0”. I might not have the energy after work to do all of my laundry, but knocking out one load is still better than none. Frozen dinners might not be healthy, but skipping meals would be worse.
You can’t whole-ass everything all the time, but half-ass is better than no-ass. 😸
Being late for work is better than not showing up at all.
I actually do not remember where I heard this, but I was unhappy at one of my past workplaces, and I felt like nothing made sense anymore. The purpose of my job, the product, the people… I would ask why or seek deeper understanding and received nothing back.
The advice was “when no one has your back, it’s time to move your back”.
It stuck with me because it applies to friends, family, work, and life in general. If you do not feel supported and able to give support back mutually then it’s time to place yourself in a situation more beneficial for you and those around you.
It doesn’t place blame, it’s simply a validation statement - you feel x, so do y.
