The most mediocre dining experience (for the money) I’ve ever had was at a restaurant called “Smallwares.” Emphasis on small, it turns out. Case in point, we ordered duck breast, which cost a fair bit. I was picturing at least a fair amount, but it was the smallest smidgen slivered up with a dollop of sauce. It was the same with every dish, high prices for not much food.
Sure there were other places that had worse food. One remote dinner lacked any fresh food, but you can’t really help that when you’re in the middle of nowhere. But never have I felt like I was being fed by Famine from Good Omens.
There’s a bar here with that aesthetic. They do serve ok burgers at slightly reasonable prices, but the secret is to become friends with the cooks. Then tell them that you don’t care what the upcharge is, but you want them to make you the burger they’d want and to have fun with it.
Now I can go in and say “Tell them TexasDrunk wants whatever burger they want to send out” and 9 out of 10 times I get a burger that’s delicious (and sometimes insane). Usually they just charge me the regular burger price.
I don’t do it often, but I got good friends and good burgers out of it.
I do that often in bars when i want a cocktail and usually the result is nice
Hell yeah! When I worked as a server, I would ask the cooks to make me a burger of the day for my lunch break. There was no “burger of the day” they just went wild and often times they required multiple “load bearing straws”.
People who go into cooking generally enjoy getting to be creative. I love those insane creations that require load bearing anything (although I don’t think I’ve seen straws, usually it’s toothpicks, skewers, or pickle spears).
My absolute favorite wasn’t the tastiest but it was definitely the coolest. The guy made a pretty standard bacon jalapeno burger, added some house made barbecue sauce, cut it into pieces, skewered it, and served it as the garnish for a pitcher of micheladas.
Note: A michelada is kind of what you’d get if a bloody Mary went to Mexico on vacation and added beer and spices.
Kinda sounds like what people do to Caesars around here. Buy a drink basically get a meal on a skewer sticking out of it.
It’s so strange, around here there’s no real difference between a bloody Mary and a bloody Caesar. I know what the difference really is but no one seems to give a shit at brunch.
However, folks around here are super proud of their micheladas. Everyone does the clamato juice with vodka, beer, and Tajin. But they all try to outdo each other with the other spices and presentation.
Other than my friend’s pitcher that I loved, the place that does the best micheladas in my opinion is Captain Tom’s. It’s the most mediocre seafood joint that is amazing when you’re getting over being fucked up. If I hadn’t been to Taqueria Ruby tonight to fix myself I’d definitely be there tomorrow morning trying to feel normal.
true, but even mid burgers are a fave from where i’m standing
But you can get a mid burger for way less than $30
Yeah! McDonald’s is only charging $20 per burger these days!
McDonald’s doesn’t offer quality like mid burgers.
I was joking. I guess that wasn’t clear. Agreed, McD’s is negative quality. Serving up Fallout 4 Pink Food Paste.
A quite big Döner Brand in Germany(Berlin Döner) has shops like this and they aren’t even that bad. They aren’t outstandingly god but also not bad. Its maybe a bit overpriced for 6€(at least in my city it costs 6€).
6€ is overpriced in Berlin? I need to move 🚗
Not in Berlin. The Brand calls themselves Berlin Döner and they operate in other Citys too. I personally got better Döner for the same money(in my region).
Seen them in Antalya (Turkey) which I found quite amusing
Holy shit people. You are all incredibly whiny bunch
Maybe I am spoiled by my three good burger places in one kilometre radius from my house one of which declared me persona non grata
Funnily enough, I’m Spanish and the meme is somehow also accurate here?
Yeah I guess the trend as been imported to Europe in general, French here.
Although in France some aren’t bad, just mid. The problem is they are ALL overpriced.
Australian and it’s accurate here. I suspect the trend is common wherever there’s a market for hipster burger places
Exactly the same in Canada, the black metal bar stool, light, fixture, black brick, wood, etc. It is a starter pack for burger restaurant.
Netherlands too. I’ve learned to avoid such places.
I’m Indian, it’s accurate here too in most cities lol
Portland 2005, except it’s damn near impossible to get a bad meal in Portland. Best food I ever had consistently in my life.
[edit] Oregon
Portland, TX has some pretty shitty food fyi
All I know of Texas food is Burnt Ends and a Whiskey scene that’s just over the fucking top insane with no end in sight.
No brisket or BBQ? That’s a shame.
Haven’t eaten in Texas …
Broke: We can offer you our truffle fucked nothingburger with garlic ass for $20 dollars with every single fry costing a dollar extra
Bespoke: falafel shawarma $3, yoghurt or hummus, boss?I think you need to add another new line to this comment.
bested by my nemesis, markup, again, thanks & fixed
look. imagine a place where the burger is not native. where the best burger you can hope for is… adequate.
imagine, if you will, a country shaped like a schnitzel.
in the twilight zone.
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Half the staff are wearing wool beanies in dead ass middle of summer
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Sides are a la carte, fries come in a metal cup with newspaper-style wax/parchment paper
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The bottom bun is falls-apart-soggy by halfway through
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Claims to have a huge selection of craft beers…all IPAs, a stout, a sour, and PBR
You forgot the black gloves! Those are required by law.
Lol that is so spot-on I can’t believe the parallels never occurred to me. One exception though, I really had good burgers in such a place in Haarlem / NL.
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Burgers are served on a scaffold board/shovel/roof tile
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Coleslaw is always referred to as house 'slaw.
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Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
Eg. Triple cooked fries 4
Menu prices omit the $ sign/£ sign.
“Gourmet bacon and cheese burger - 15”
15 what? Pence?
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run by four interchangeable lumbersexual white guys in their mid 20s who are having the time of their lives and one white chick in her late 20s who is just so over it.
This is so like… 2014
yeah that’s about the last time i walked into one of them places.
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I went to a place like this once. Had a bison burger (?) and it was avtually fucking delicious. The fries were just “fries” but they weren’t bad in any way. Above average in flavor and consistency.
I’m guessing most places like this are garbage and the one time I went, I got lucky.
Most of them are mediocre. Most burger places were mediocre, and then the American gastropub trend saw burgers being made nice as opposed to diner food or bar food. They could also charge more money because they were making nicer food.
Eventually a bunch of the mediocre places shifted to try to also be nice, but mostly just increased prices, changed decor, and started using the word aioli more than mayo. Oh, and pretzel buns on burgers that got taller without being bigger and are cumbersome to eat.
In the plus side, if you like a Swiss burger with a garlic aioli, a burger with a fried egg on it, or a burger with 2 pieces of bacon, a spicy BBQ sauce, and fried onion strings and you’re in the mood for some fries with bits of peel on them and a garlic Parmesan butter, then you know exactly what they’re going to put in from of you and exactly what it’ll taste like.
Mediocre. Not bad, but definitely not the best you’ve ever had.
Lol I was JUST showing this to my wife and adding, and they use “aioli” on everything haha
It just the generic “burger place“ design. I haven’t seen a burger restaurant that doesn’t look like this.
So it logically follows that all the bad ones will look like it
Yeah the good burger places look mostly like this too. Or they did, and everyone copied it.
A lot of em make good burgers, too. Just not $35 with fries level good
I hate $20 prices for burgers as much as the next warm blooded American but they are usually great. It’s a burger after all. That said it’s all about that bun!
I live in northern VA and all the burger and bbq joints look like this, mostly.
it’s all about that bun
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of culinary science…?
Everything else is just a really good sear and not overdoing the toppings too much. Don’t even need fancy beef, just 80/20 chuck can deliver top notch results.
Not in my opinion; for me its always the shabby looking shacks that have the best burgers. Mostly were the locals go
Oldschool ones
Bison is worth the price tag for sure. These places only pretend to have that kind of power.
I lived near a bison farm for a while, bison meat is just amazing, much juicier than beef.
Copy + paste small business tyrant investment. Like a ghost kitchen. They all just copy each other because it returns a consistent profit.
There is probably some kind if grotesque item in the menu as a “draw”, too. The Tower of Cheese. The Bacon Bun. The [town name] challenge, a dish made of 34 kinds of flesh. Get in here, techbros! Get your grub.
This is absolutely not true.
Sometimes it’s a very mediocre $8 taco.
The burger is fine, but the sides are usually amazing.
If they’re good they’ll be overpriced
Bar around the corner of my house is like this. I’ve never been because they’re across the street from a hole in the wall Japanese place that is really, really good, so whenever I’m walking out of my house to eat that’s where I go.
