Libertarians are just conservatives without the religion and/or who smoke weed. They hide behind the label because they agree with right-wingers but are too chicken-shit to admit it and can say “bUt I’m LiBeRtArIaN” when something heinous happens

Listen to Jesus Jimmy, Im the face on the shroud of Turin

Listen to Jesus Jimmy, do I need to test your urine!

The Refer Madness Musical. It’s hilarious. Kristen Bell, Brian Weber, Ana Gastyer, the dude from Tales from the Crypt, and Neve Campbell.

Man am I glad I killed my FB back In 2012 when it was mostly pictures of peoples babies and people acting like hating Obama was a personality trait

Or if they’re like a few people I know…whose critical thinking skills are “parrot opinions from someone who I think is almost as smart as me (according to me) because I exclusively listen to them”

It almost looks like Biden’s smile

Nah, it was just a late summer day with middling humidity

Buying probably voids the warranty

They’d already be a millionaire if it weren’t for the welfare queens and all the immigrants stealing their jobs/benefits!

/s in case it was obvious enough

Because “he did good at Chipotle he do gud here”

And when the expenses for his commute get too high, they just lay off a shitton of employees so the quarterly bottom line looks good.

One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass, true story. He bought it at our local mall so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but the next week he did it again! Different cat, same results complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him a week later at the mall and he’s buying another cat and I says to him Jesus, Walt, what are you doing? You know you’re just gonna get this cat stuck in your ass too, why don’t you knock it off! And he says to me “Thebeardedsinglemalt, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?”

My couson was a weird guy

People who are so American they’re moving to Russia!

Ooh yeah send all of em over to Russia to align with their spiritual and moral values. Especially the ones who “I would’ve been locked out of the Marines during boot because I’d have punched the drill sergeant” types and see what happens when they get conscripted.

Let’s see his bone spurs get him out of that one

Hopefully the first plane is full of those fucktards who love wearing those American flags shirts that read “if this flag offends you, I’ll help you pack”

It takes him 2 tries to get up off the couch

I try to stick to what’s on sale, and go store brand when possible… except for cheese

Isn’t it always funny that the last 2 Democrat presidents inherited absolute economic shit shows from republicans and managed to turn things around only to be blamed for causing the problems that were left to them…

Aw man, goodbye Johnsonville beer boiled brats

The craziest part of all this is that when the invasion of Ukraine started, some of my coworker friends had genuine concerns that pootie was gonna lean on his nukes.