Too many people are confusing the two. Whenever lemmy.ml or its devs do something stupid, people go “Lemmy is getting worse and worse,” or “I’m leaving Lemmy,” or worse, “I’m leaving for Beehaw.”
If you’re using Beehaw, then you’re using Lemmy. Lemmy is the software these instances run on. If you don’t like lemmy.ml, join another instances that have rules that match your philosophy. Some instance hosts authoritarian or fascist shit? Turn to another Lemmy instance. Lemmy.ml is not even the biggest instance. People who just joined and are unfamiliar with the platform will just think the entire Lemmyverse is run by autocratic admins if we don’t get our terminology right.
The trick is to curate your feed. Like a podcast? Find a community for that. Have a hobby or a hobby you are thinking of doing? Get some of those. You fill you feed with specific interest you like. If you want to check on news you specifically visit the that feed but you never join it or subscribe and you never look at the comments. Or you just read a newspaper. A proper one. If you want your social media to be fun you cant just doom scroll the r/all or whatever it’s equivalent is called.