it’s interesting that everyone here is a victim. why isn’t anyone owning up to being the bully? the ratio is highly suspect.
personally, I was mostly the victim. but I can think of a small number of times where I punched down the pecking order because that’s how I poorly dealt with the abuse by the real bullies.
I wish I had been encouraged to fight back by my parents. unfortunately the emotional abuse at home fully contributed to the lack of self esteem required to do so.
I will admit that I have probably been the main villain if not an asshole in different people’s stories.
Well, speak of the devil. I was both. When one suffers, it is the way of life to spread suffering.
What would you like a person like me to say? That I was wrong? Sure. Do I still want to beat the everloving shit out of the people that perpetuated that against me first? Sure. Would I understand the guy that I was bullying to do it to me? 100%.
I suppose it would make it even. Regardless, the meme is applicable. Teachers knew and ignored the fact that I was bullied, but fuck me if I ever stood up for myself.
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Do you think your bullies would spend time on Lemmy? Much less admit they were bullies on a thread like this? I think there might be a bias at play here.
Growing up weird and poor in a very conservative and arrogant part of the prairies, I was bullied relentlessly. The teachers never did anything unless it was me fighting back, to which it was suspension and I was a bad kid.
As high school came along, I grew more and more violent to the point I wasn’t a loser or a tough guy, but a snap case. The other kids thought I was edgy, the parents thought I was bound for prison, and the teachers probably had a beer when I dropped out.
My mom didn’t know what to do. And this was in a time where if your kid was in therapy, it’s was your failure as a parent. Combined with my disgust at the idea that I was what was broken, it was off the table. It wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I went for psychological help.
By then, I was so suicidal and gone that I wouldn’t be near ok until my late thirties. In my mid forties now, I look back and see myself as the potential shooter. I’m holding back my emotions right now, thinking of it. Fortunately, there were no guns at my disposal back, back then is how I feel looking back. I don’t know if I’d be able to hurt anyone like that, but I’d fuck myself up.
I lay a lot of blame on a system that allowed it to happen. In a community where open racism and homophobic views were the norm at the time, teachers were as judgmental as the students in some situations. Now maybe if I were white, it’d be easier, but even the broke white kids didn’t get any breaks. Especially from the teachers.
Look at me go, a meme has me fucked up thinking back and dumping online. But yeah, there it is.
I’d like to close by saying the town I grew up in is a far different place now. I’ve moved back and feel good here. I see teachers and bullies who don’t make eye contact, will not recognize me at all (which is my favorite) and the occasional happy to see you moments. I don’t communicate well in public these days, so it makes it ultra awkward, much like being in high school, talking to students you barely know.
I can relate somewhat though probably not to the same degree, I think sometimes people are just assholes. Which is why I do my best to just let my actions speak by just doing my best to help out.
Even if I get angry with my words, I’m usually very direct about what I’m upset about, what bothers me is the degree to which people are often passive aggressive in a way that forces you to respond differently from how you normally would to begin with.
Fuck man, really sorry that happened. I’m glad you’re doing better, keep up the good fight!
Glad you are okay, my guy.
Can any Americans confirm or refute whether US schools actually punish you for getting beaten up regardless of whether you tried to defend yourself? It sounds way too stupid to be true yet I hear about it again and again.
Also what the hell happened to Stand Your Ground that the US is so infamous for? That doesn’t apply to children who are victims of assault and battery?
Yep, I pretty quickly learned I should just respond in kind as I’d get punished either way. Generally more severe punishments when it was one sided as well…
One of the most common types of bullying in the US is the use of zero tolerance anti bullying rules as a mechanism for bullying.
Example: kid A punches kid B. Then immediately kid A reports kid B for bullying him because kid A knows how the bullying rules work (because they are a bully). Then kid B gets in trouble for getting bullied.
Typically kid A’s parents will enthusiastically back then too because their kid “gets bullied all the time” while kid Bs parents aren’t experienced with the policies and aren’t positive that their kid didn’t do something wrong (because they are normal parents), so they don’t fight it too hard and just want it to go away.
Ask any teacher in the US and they will tell you that they see this all the time and most every kid that supposedly “gets bullied all the time” is doing exactly this.
If the teachers see it then why do they get away with it?
Teachers aren’t in charge of school policies and generally aren’t even decision makers past the lowest levels of discipline.
In some situations, unfortunately yes. Some schools will take the stupid “zero tolerance” stance so broadly. I do remember a few times growing up that the bullied kid would still get suspended(if they were lucky, at reduced length vs the bully, if enough evidence was available).
Often times (as should be) you’re better off fighting back cuz both are gonna get in trouble.
One time in middle school a kid who had been messing with me jumped me on the way out the gates at the end of the day. Neither of us was seriously hurt, but both of us were taken to the office and suspended. When I told them he had attacked me, they responded with “Yes but what did you do to de-escalate the situation?” And it’s like, motherfucker my introduction to the situation was a foot in the back!
That was one of the first times even my parents, who I had struggled with as well, took my side against some school bullshit.
“Yes but what did you do to de-escalate the situation?”
Reading this and all these other comments I wonder if at least part of it is just petty bullshit by the school administration, like “How dare the two of you create more work for us at our jobs for which we have licenses! You both need to be punished for that!”
Children are abused left and right in this country. Our schools are dogshit. You’re lucky if your public school provides a decent education, because its almost certainly not going to provide anything else.
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I currently work part-time as a bus driver and I just wanna say that it’s incredibly hard to determine who is right or wrong when you didn’t see what happened and you’re just going by what each kid says. If you only see the tail end of a fight, you might wrongfully think the kid retaliating is the bully. 99% of the time it’s easier to just separate the kids and/or punish them both equally since it’s impossible to determine who the victim and the perpetrator is. It sucks, it feels really bad, but that’s the reality of the situation.
Everytime
Not a word. Please learn.
Language is constantly evolving and grammar policing doesn’t make you seem smart, just pathetic
Bro, I was the biggest bully in grade school. It made me popular with the girls and that’s why I mostly did it. And I was tall, so it just made things easier.
I’ve been in education for a few years and can tell you that a lot (most?) of teachers are cheering on the inside when they see a bully get his ass beat. These school policies aren’t being set by teachers.
That can be true, but it varies a lot. As a teacher, I can guess at a lot but have proof of very little. So I can do things, but maybe you wouldn’t even notice them most of the time. You’re looking for a suspension, and that only happens in very specific circumstances.
Of course everything varies by school and district.
“Zero tolerance” policies in my district are so fucked up and easily metagamed by the actual bullies that I had to outright break the rules and feign ignorance to even let kids take a stand and fight back against the bullies. I hated it.
It’s bully solidarity.
This also applies to international politics
When I was in middle school I got into at least two fights in an outdoor stage that was in plain view from all the windows in the admin office. No security, teachers, or anyone else ever noticed.
I’d like to think it was more because they were these small fights where no one got seriously hurt, rather than the staff not caring at all.
Let’s hope Steven sets things right 😊🙏
Their geopolitics is the same. Fucking shithole nation.
