I want Darwin Claus to bring me random mutations that may or may not be beneficial to my survival and my capacity to create offspring.

Who the fuck made this meme? Kevin Sorbo??

Why don’t we adapt religious holidays and make them more sciency?

Theists do this all the time, and it would stop them from claiming we aren’t allowed to celebrate their stolen holidays.

Quantum Santa can deliver presents everywhere at the same time, but shouldn’t be observed, or it would collapse into a singular outcome.

That’s not an atheist thing, you’re thinking of asantanists.