The synth and 10 jars of saffron. I’ll learn to play music like a bard and be fucking rich selling little bits of spices while I travel (and eventually be murdered as a witch).
Aha! I knew someone else would go with the saffron gambit. Especially if you get to specify that it’s really packed in there.
I would probably mix in some whole nutmeg, cinnamon and cloves with the saffron as it was generally more popular in England at the time and the variety would probably mean more of my wares purchased by at each stop to save me needing to travel further. Travel being so gods awful at the time mitigating the risks a little bit would be worth it I think.
I’m gonna take the warheads and the LSD and blow some random farmer’s mind.
“He’s freaking out!”
Might be able to use the uranium to heat water for a steam turbine generator.
Steam turbine generator is not an easy task to make with medieval technology
Some dude in India made one to spin his shawarma in like 400 ad wtf u talking about
Sure, but someone else was wanting to use the motorcycle engine as a generator. I feel like this is more practical since you don’t need to figure out how to get more fuel. Not that I have any idea what to do with a generator in that time period either way.
You can use a windmill, waterwheel, or animals to turn a generator. The real problem would be getting a magnet and enough purified copper. Most people do not realize how complicated and interdependent our society is. No person is an island and no invention is either.
With a diesel engine you could fuel it with biodiesel made from cooking oil, sodium hydroxide(an impure solution likely sufficient for our purposes could be obtained from wood ash, this was normally used in soap making) and methanol(obtainable by distillation and used as early as ancient egypt)
Also certain non diesel engines can run on ethanol, including some motorcycles made for brasilian market that can run on E100 that is 94.7% ethanol (rest is water) so fuel for that engine could be distilled with medieval technology
Does spice melange count as one of the spices?
As it’s written!
It is the only spice that counts.
The spice must flow.
Almost all of these will get you drowned for witchcraft
Nah. Medieval folks understood the idea of mechanical engineering and complex music instruments, take the spices and the keyboard and instead some dude will just stab you for them.
Dab pen and spice jars.
That’s basically enough to start a religion in medieval times. Spices to finance a nice temple, and dabs to create a religious experience forc prophets who testify to the power of the faith.
But they had marijuana in medieval Europe
Shotgun dabs into their mouths and they’ll literally think you’re Jesus.
But they also had psychedelic mushrooms and that’s way better at that
That amount of spice is not gonna make you rich. You need to fill a ship’s hold and cross the world.
Not rich, but enough to buy something nice
Ooooh! Like maybe some spices!
Ask for the gun and the bullets.
Before I’m sent back, shoot the time travel master (nerd!) in the head. Shoot their attendants, too (nerds! nerds!).
Grab all the other options, and load them in the time travel car. VERY IMPORTANT: the Moog will be playing the Knight Rider Theme until further notice.
Time travel back to the Vatican, Apostolic Palace. Driving the motorcycle up to The Pope, I do a jump that involves me turning upside-down OVER the Pope, during which I look down, shove the LSD down the Pope’s throat, and then do an Akira-slide right in front of him.
In fluent Latin, I explain to the Pope that I am a messenger from God who has been sent to deliver a Mighty Revelation. For the next several hours I use all the other options I brought back to astound and amuse The Pope during the LSD trip. During this phase of the experience, the Moog will be playing selections from Pink Floyd, focusing on music from Dark Side and before. The key message of The Revelation is that I am an agent of God to be protected and revered.
After the Pope comes down, I scope out the Vatican’s Cardinals. (The Moog will be playing Guile’s Theme during this phase.) The spices are covertly swapped for hashish and opiates, which I use along with the Warheads candy to bring mini-Revelations to those Cardinals who seem friendly. Those Cardinals who seem hostile to me, are fed bits of the Uranium. I am declared a Cardinal. When the time is right, The Pope is also fed bits of Uranium.
After the Pope dies, a conclave is convened in the Sistine Chapel to select the next Pope. The Moog will be playing Objection from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (2001) during this phase. As a Cardinal, I attend, and will use the motorcycle to pop wheelies and do donuts until I am elected.
When I first appear on the Papal balcony, to be revered for the rest of my life as an infallible being whose words must be obeyed without hesitation, the Moog will be playing the instrumental version of We are Number One from Lazy Town, and I will be doing an appropriate dance.
Just hope your time machine doesn’t deposit you off during the Western Catholic Schism or else you’ll have to repeat this multiple times with multiple popes.
Or maybe this is how the Western Schism is avoided in the first place. The Lord works in mysterious ways…
I would read this comic book.
I had the same idea for the items.
Pick gun and the bullets.
But instead my plan was to shoot myself.My plan was to take the dab pens and the moog, assuming it could be used as a backup battery to the pens. And then just plan to hang myself when confronted with the inevitability of sobriety.
Hey y’all no need for that! Meet up with me in the year 1214, and Pope Rolando will set you up as Archbishops somewhere. We can even go on convenience store runs in my time machine!
Everyone taking this challenge is invited. All your sins will be forgiven!
This is the best comment I have seen on Lemmy. You are a genius.
What a fucking ride. I had all the tracks on background play in pipepipe. Incredible.
What about the other items? Bottle rockets off the papalcony for sure. Dab pen for office duties after I think.
The laser pen would also be a mind blower during the high times.
That moog isn’t a fucking iTunes playlist, it’s a musical instrument that needs a real person to play it so your entire plan is completely shot.
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The moog is “magic - works without amp or outlet” so it is magic. (Given.)
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Therefore the moog is AI, since magic and AI are indistinguishable. (Lemma: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” -Clarke. The exact workings of contemporary “AI” neural networks are insufficiently understood, therefore indistinguishable from magic.)
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Because the moog is AI, I can talk to it like ChatGPT, I just have the wrong keyboard.
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Use the keyboard like this: first key is “A”, second key is “B”, etc. Type out some sentences until the AI figures out the pattern. I have plenty of time to do so, since I have a time machine.
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Use the keyboard to chat with the moog to tell it what I want it to play.
Problem?
yes there’s a problem, its only magic is that is works without an amp or outlet. none of the other things you’ve listed are implied or remotely plausible.
I was using a specialized form of argumentation which I thought befitting this community. Here are the details: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/troll-science-troll-physics
Was this the right decision? Perchance.
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Warheads would probably kill someone from back then
The Moog and the (for sake of argument, diesel) Motorbike. As long as the moog doesn’t lose its magical power powers if you disassemble it.
The spices and the laser pointer? You can just pretend to be a spice trader and when needed, blind people to escape.
The dab pen and magic keyboard were tempting, but De. Wesker made a good point ab out witchcraft.
Motorcycle might be cool because you can melt it down or disassemble it once you run out of fuel.
Another important question is Medieval times where?
I think no one around here realizes how fucking insane a 5 W laser pointer is, it’s not blinding people level, it’s more like, don’t shine it at anything white or you might blind yourself level.
For reference the highest laser security classification starts at 0.5 W.
Maybe I’m exaggerating here but 5 W is definitely a lot.
So yeah, I’m down with the laser pointer.
That’s a good point. If it’s strong enough to start a fire, that’s serious power. The only issue is running out of battery power.
Dallas, TX
Motorcycle can run off distilled alcohol if you’re crafty.
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Still makes a big difference. China? Bottle rockets are just like ok, you have some bottle rockets. India? Spices are just okay, you have some spices. India might appreciate the keyboard more than Europeans, like “nice, a versatile harmonium!” vs “OMG Satan” like you might get in Europe. North America and you might be able to convince a tribe that you’re a shaman with Super Mushrooms using the LSD.
The motorcycle had better be a dirt bike or it’s not going to be of much use except maybe in China or where there were vestiges of Roman roads.
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the firearm and bullets have distinct utility.
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Hunting and self defense is not about being a dick.
As far as wanting to go down in history, not sure how that helps you after your demise.
Hunting is about being a dick though.
Medieval times aren’t exactly known for their paved roads.
It’s not on there. I want a small tablet with a solar recharger. It will be loaded with all of the texts I can find about math and engineering and science.
I’ll take the DeLorean and the castle
dab pen all i need baby
Personally I’m taking a big fucking hammer and the banner of the fighting man I’M COMING FOR YOU WILLIAM YOU FUCKING BASTARD GET FUCKING READY
Wtf whatever I did I’m sorry
Legend has it that when Tolkien referred to ‘the war’ he meant the battle of Hastings in 1066.
