Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.
- Laughs in Dutch EDM * 🤣
(Hardcore/Gabber starts at ~160 BPM and goes all the way up to ~300 BPM). Definitely too fast.
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“Holy shit lady, does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?”
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Gabber/Gak. Man I haven’t thought about these bands forever!
The shizit was my favorite band for a long time. And rotterdam terror corps.
Rotterdam is in shambles!
Music too fast? Straight to jail.
Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft
and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.
Straight to jail! Right away!
Thanks to jail we have the most moderate musical tempo in the world!
Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can’t be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.
Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you’re probably doing a sin.
VladBit health health trackers now mandatory. Better keep yours charged up or gulag for you.
We have the technology
Are they just late for 1st of April?
April 1st was too fast for them so they opted to use April 8th.
April 9th would have meant straight to jail!
I guess next thing Kadyrov will make his horse a consul.
Or redesign the calendar naming a month after his horse, as the first post-Soviet dictator of Turkmenistan did.
Ah, the guy who also renamed ketchup!
Turkmenbashi, we hardly knew ye
darude sandstrom ✖️
careless whisper ✖️
never gonna give you up ✔️
Why they’re a 3min and a 7min version of sandstorm?
3 min sounds like a radio cut
YMCA by Village People? We’ll give it a pass ✔️
So, no grindcore concerts? Oh, wait! There weren’t any anyway! Fuck dictators, fuck authoritarianism!
They’re inching closer to the plot of Footloose.
There are so many movies that I’ve said, “that’s stupid, it would never happen”. I don’t say that anymore.
At this rate, I fully expect an article about a community buying gatorade in bulk to water their plants with
Well, it is what plants crave.
It has electrolytes
Rimsky-Korsakov is rolling in his grave
BPM between 80 and
130116 are allowed. Their own national anthem is almost criminally low!almost
Probably how they decided to draw the line
So, believe or not straight to jail, then?
To fast? Jail. To slow? Believe it or not, jail. Over/ under.
So, they just banned the Russian national anthem too, since that sits at 76 bpm?
I guess they only like the heavy metal remix.
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drevilpinkie.gif
It should certainly spice up John Cage performances where they perform As Slow as (legally) Possible.
Adama Sandler’s Medium Pace has reentered the charts at #1
80-115 bpm only.
What is their legal definition of a beat?
What kadyrovites do to their wives
This is memeable, yes; but usually when news like this starts coming out a nation shit’s definitely gone sideways for it.
It just feels like a conservative one party government trying to fill in time before the next election with busy work.
Nothing pleases social conservatives more than cracking down on that weird music their kids listen to.
