bethesda announces game concept.

people freak.

bethesda announces game. 

people hype.

bethesda starts hyping the game.

people go fucking nuts hyping the game as a result. their social media team plants those seeds to make it look organic.

a year or more of speculation occurs.

todd howard being his little schmuck self comes out and boasts about their new game.

people lose their god damn minds.

whispers of shitty gameplay start occurring closer to launch.

the masses tell those people to fuck off how could they know, dishonest review etc etc.

the big names in game reviews all review it and give it out of the park amazing reviews.

people go batshit crazy. people are out in the streets killing their parents for a chance at the new bethesda god game.

the game is released and is somewhat playable but jesus fuck is it lacking, it’s buggy, and every character looks like they’ve been updated from skyrim graphics of yore. the story sucks. the game play is empty but goddamn is there a lot to explore.

everyone rushes in like a madman.

everyone realizes the gameplay sucks.

people start bitching.

others say “oh don’t worry, DLC and user created mods will fill the game out nicely.”

years pass.

the unpaid modding community pours their heart and soul into making the game not fucking suck.

after all the DLC has come out (all with mostly positive or mixed reviews on steam) the game will go dark for a year or so.

todd howard wakes from his capitalist vampire coma needing fresh life force. the blood money of his unsuspecting idiot fans.

todd howard makes it into the office and says we could make a new game or we can milk this game for the next decade and a half. quick come up with names to rerelease the game under. game of the year edition. complete edition. master edition. elite edition. remastered. remastered complete. anything works!

over the course of the next three decades, todd howard is fed the blood of bethesda’s fan base.

he is swollen, like a fat tick upon his harkonen throne, waiting to burst.

“the people. they call for a NEW game”, he says, a devilish sneer contorts his face.

and the cycle continues.

and these fucking idiots. every goddamn time.

i mean it looks like that in some parts for about a month as wild flowers come in, but on the whole, yep.

maaaaan who the fuck lives life like it’s NOT a choose your own adventure.

turn to page 57 if you’re interested in finding out.

turn to page 72 if you don’t care and would like to continue scrolling.

IIRC from the reddit thread i saw it in, someone translated it, and it is 100% accurate and talks about building a life for his family out in the west, building the railroads. the work is hard but the people are good to me. i wish you all well and miss you much. that kinda thing.

Corn me up, snake.

to know all the answers is… forbidden knowledge

the good news is if it’s the sphinx you have a get out of jail free card, it’s a historically repeated act to graffiti the sphinx.

have at. nobody can stop you in your heart. draw a dick on that sphinx.

hey google u’s a bitch

say “please rewrite this so the ending has a weird and obscure twist to it along the lines of something you’d see in the plot points and themes found in stories written by chuck palahniuk, and then write it as though you were james matthew barrie writing peter pan”

that should give you something funky

man what an age to be alive, the age of spin.

gone are the days that we saw true outrage or despair happen in the moment.

now we must properly primp and curate how we will be perceived candidly, which is just about the dumbest and pettiest shit i can think of.

“i want my profile to look like i was really sticking it to the man” is an admittedly silly look imo

that being said, go off and you be you because what matters is you got off the shithole of reddit.

what speaks louder than demonstrative curated comment history is lots of people leaving en masse and going to another service. the more people come over, the more others will adopt the new standard.

also panther only refers to the fact that it’s a big cat from the pantera family if i am not mistaken: mountain lion, lion, jaguar, leopard, tiger

so the people saying “what species is the pink panther” actually have a legitimate point in saying he could be a pink lion. people saying “it’s just a panther” don’t understand what they’re actually saying. it’s like, okay what kind of panther?

you don’t bear the mark of being seen? the little permanent dot that’s there even when you close your eyes?

well then, bunch of pussies.

oof, keep trying to be funny mate, you’ll get it eventually

WE FORGE THE PATH SO OTHERS MAY FOLLOW LATER

sheit, i’m not convinced this is isn’t an official effort driven by the studio to promote the movie by some viral means

this is some genius fuckin advertising if it is, and it’s hilarious free advertising if it isn’t

at the old dive bar i used to go to, at the end of the night, they’d clear your tab if you could finish a glass from the trough without throwing up.

this has a special wrenching in my stomach to think about

right but i never imagined the muppet biting a pillow saying deeper daddy in a goofy fuckin voice

the thought of a muppet being a bottom is intriguing

i was this many minutes old when i realized is name is a play on “dick in ass” “frank in farter”

oh wow. extra notes of joy henceforth whenever i watch it from now on.

nice try stone cold steve austin, we’re all onto your “what” gimmick! WE’VE SEEN IT BEFORE