You’ve set yourself a goal, which is antithetical to the nature of meditation.
The goal (which is besides the point) you’ve set is totally unrealistic. For a beginner to sit and let their mind become empty is the equivalent of an average person waking up tomorrow and deciding to run a double marathon.
One reason meditation is helpful is that we become more efficient at letting go of unhelpful thoughts. Your reason for not wanting to do meditation, is the reason you should do meditation. It’s a catch 22.
If you ever decide to try again, it might be helpful to set some realistic goals, temporarily.
See if you can let your mind become as empty as you can, for a whole second. If that’s easy, try two seconds (this is harder than it sounds, but definitely within the capacity of beginners).
Other goals might be to not hold on to any thought for longer than ten seconds before returning your attention to the breath for the duration of the practice.
If you practice enough, you’ll intuitively understand the goals aren’t important and are just more unhelpful thoughts.
This is a very common perspective for beginners.
There are a few things worth unpacking here.
You’ve set yourself a goal, which is antithetical to the nature of meditation.
The goal (which is besides the point) you’ve set is totally unrealistic. For a beginner to sit and let their mind become empty is the equivalent of an average person waking up tomorrow and deciding to run a double marathon.
One reason meditation is helpful is that we become more efficient at letting go of unhelpful thoughts. Your reason for not wanting to do meditation, is the reason you should do meditation. It’s a catch 22.
If you ever decide to try again, it might be helpful to set some realistic goals, temporarily.
See if you can let your mind become as empty as you can, for a whole second. If that’s easy, try two seconds (this is harder than it sounds, but definitely within the capacity of beginners).
Other goals might be to not hold on to any thought for longer than ten seconds before returning your attention to the breath for the duration of the practice.
If you practice enough, you’ll intuitively understand the goals aren’t important and are just more unhelpful thoughts.