Same here. I actually just decided last night that I hate who I am so much that I’m going to “kill myself” in that I’m going to try to completely kill off the person that I “was.”
I have a lot of respect for transgender people who sort of go through a similar thing so I’m taking inspiration from them and saying old asafum is dead, I killed him, and in his place I’ll be a new asafum.
I’ve had much more success with just embracing who I am, flaws included, than with trying to change my nature. I was able to achieve much more by stopping to try to be someone I’m not.
That’s the route I went initially. I thought I was being delusional by thinking I could be different, the thought of denying my initial feelings/reactions felt like I was being “fake” or denying who I am, but then I just remain as the person I hate most in the entire world.
I can’t live life being an angry bitter miserable asshat who never misses a chance to beat himself up because I think I deserve it. If I hate that person so much then I should just leave them in the past and be better. It’s so strange that it’s actually physically painful to go through. Like I get headaches fighting off my initial reaction and forcing myself to think differently/positively.
Same here. I actually just decided last night that I hate who I am so much that I’m going to “kill myself” in that I’m going to try to completely kill off the person that I “was.”
I have a lot of respect for transgender people who sort of go through a similar thing so I’m taking inspiration from them and saying old asafum is dead, I killed him, and in his place I’ll be a new asafum.
I’ve had much more success with just embracing who I am, flaws included, than with trying to change my nature. I was able to achieve much more by stopping to try to be someone I’m not.
But your mileage may vary of course.
That’s the route I went initially. I thought I was being delusional by thinking I could be different, the thought of denying my initial feelings/reactions felt like I was being “fake” or denying who I am, but then I just remain as the person I hate most in the entire world.
I can’t live life being an angry bitter miserable asshat who never misses a chance to beat himself up because I think I deserve it. If I hate that person so much then I should just leave them in the past and be better. It’s so strange that it’s actually physically painful to go through. Like I get headaches fighting off my initial reaction and forcing myself to think differently/positively.