With that baby around, I think it’s you who needs to worry about surviving a 20-story fall.

I’d try it

I’M HIT

powpowpowpowpowpowpowpowpowpow

Jokes aside, I would murder a coworker with my bare hands on the third instance of this.

I love their recipe for no bake cookies, though! Just 12-15 minutes at 375°, and you’re good to go.

Here’s why that’s a [evaluative adjective] thing.

Is there an ultra niche market for flashlight customization, or is it mostly enthusiasts DIYing their own setups?

Hit me with your top flashlight fact.

I was kinda hoping that in the current era, political scandals would get a new suffix. Watergate happened 50 years ago, so popular first-hand memory of it is waning.

There was a moment when I thought we could transition to [scandal]-a-lago, but it never happened.

Cheese apples sound bomb.

I tried desperately for this not to be my comment. I really applied all the willpower I can muster, but the fruit hangs too low…

WAKE UP

PET THE GODDAMN DOG.

I hate it when someone with these lights is in the passing lane behind you, and their lights reflect off your side mirror directly into your eyes. The worst is when they’re only going like 102% your speed, so they linger there unless you adjust your own speed to change their placement relative to you.

Prison. Immediately.

I’m the deviled egg family member!

Always plan on 3 full eggs for each anticipated guest, then add another half dozen. Most people will only have 1 or 2 halves, but there’s always a couple people who will go through like 10.

I worked at grocery stores for 7 years in my late teens and early 20s. People who don’t use cart corrals deserve nothing.

We’ve done that for 70 or 80 years. Like the saying goes, “do what you love, and you’ll eventually become a global hegemon, weilding your influence like a club and keeping your boot on the neck of the majority of the planet, both economically and militarily.”

Mom always said that.

Someone broke into my car once and just moved everything from the trunk into the driver’s seat for some reason. They didn’t even steal any of my tools, which was honestly a little insulting.

Add to this that the child is also made entirely of rubber and could easily withstand the train’s impact and experience no measurable hardship. However, the impact of Superman halting the train caused wreckage to fly all over the place and damage the surrounding infrastructure… which in this case is a metaphor for literal fucking infrastructure.

If they wanted me to read about their scam, they shouldn’t describe it over a stressful image of red wine and an open flame resting on a 1x6 on a beige couch.