This is the type of shit I wish I was creative enough to come up with
I’ve played too much XCOM to know how this really turns out.
So 95% chance it turns out really really well.
SO WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEE
We need the Vulcans.
I think by “fix”, they don’t mean repair, but it would help.
Good news is that by dumping teratons of CO2 into the atmosphere we’re changing the spectroscopic signature in a way that makes it clear that we’re intelligent life that needs a some help.
Bad news is that it might also kill us before they get here.
It’s referring to the whales. And no, it doesn’t look good for humans.
Aliens: “As your punishment for what you did to the whales, your species will be enslaved according to Galactic Enslavement Code. You will ONLY be allotted Housing, Healthcare, Food an-”
Humans: “OH FUCKING FINALLY”
Aliens: “Wut”
Please, we can’t do it by ourselves (because mega-important money)
No, no you can’t. We turn the oceans into acid and are collectively one torn paper bag away from starting a nuclear war.
Best you can do is containing the amalgamation of insanity called mankind on this planet. Because if we make it off this world, we will probably hunt you down for fun.
You have been warned.
“We started years ago with anal probes and now they seem to do it to themselves all the time. Now for Phase 2…”
(wontfix)
issue closed
deleted by creator
A possibly interesting read would be about aliens who bring a cure for all illness, but unknown to use it also cures people of the need to get ahead of thier fellow human at all costs. Thus they stabilize the human race which then stabilizes the planet…
Something kind of adjacent to this happens in Octavia Butler’s Xenogenesis series. Aliens come over to fix the Earth and humanity, but decide that human nature is part of the problem, and set out to modify it. It’s a really interesting read.
We about to fuck up that aliens life.
Sterilize it is … pushes button for planetary sterilization radiation beam
I for one welcome our benevolent and generous alien overlords.
