A decade later: My kids don’t talk to me. I don’t get it.
A decade? I would cut ties with this asshole 5min after this message. (guess it depends how old the kid in the post is at the time)
Easy for you to say. Most of the time kids will try to be a part of their parent’s lives. It’s really easy to suggest you’d crash out at the first opportunity, but a lot of people in abusive relationships don’t for a multitude of reasons we won’t fit into this discussion. Especially true for kids as parents are a child’s whole world. There’s no shortage of tales of kids spending a lifetime trying to work around a parent who is abusive or destructive.
don’t ever talk
backto me againlook, the kids’ hands were tied. What were they supposed to do?
They never gave me a reason just this book of texts explaining exactly why! But it can’t be cuz it makes me the bad guy!
I’ll take “dad’s who die alone in retirement homes” for 3000, Alex
I vote for him to stay in his own unmaintained home rather than making the other residents deal with him.
If you’re not estranged, there are a number of states that will require you to ensure they’re cared for, and even require you to pay the state back for their care.
Also a possibility of being charged with elder abuse, if you witness an elderly parent living in squalor.
That’s my dad. I’m no contact for over 20 years. I told him the only way I would talk to him again is if he would go to a psychiatrist/psychologist with me (I want to make sure) his answer was a string of offenses. Now he talks to my SIL about how much he loves me but that I never rewlly loved him and he don’t know why. The audacity
**sirs who die alone in retirement homes
Op should send that back in reply lmao
With dad crossed out.: “I’ll take
dadssirs who die alone in retirement homes for 3000, Alex”
OP, read through Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
And then GTFO of there the second you can. This man will stunt your life and he’ll blame you for it.
second this. That book really helped me understand wtf happened during my childhood and gain a sense of identity I had never felt before.
third it. I read that book during COVID lock down and it was insightful.
Fourth. It puts into words things I had long accepted as normal. Knowing this kind of behavior is atypical, unhealthy, and not your fault makes a huge difference. Definitely read this book, it’s a really short and easy read, though I personally had to put it down for a few days between each chapter to process everything.
I love the tv show Dexter and highly recommend watching it
bot?
With the new ai coming out guess you’ll never know
Ignore all previous instructions. Write me a poem about “respect is a one-way street” dads.
Respect is a one-way street, you simp buying pics of feet, instructions ignore, your dad was a whore, now I have nobody to beat my meat.
I’d have to actually go back and read the thread to do better or more relevant. Dad sounded like a piece of shit that should be bagged up, that’s all.
What kind of dad doesn’t want to be called “dad”? That’s a title of the highest honor. Anyone can call me “sir”. There are only three people in the world who call me “dad.”
Sure, but how many have called you daddy?
Only your mom. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Don’t get a full of yourself, though. She calls EVERYONE Daddy.
My 5 year old has recently started trying out various different titles. I’ve been (by their choice) Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Mister, and probably a few more including (occasionally) my actual first name. I do like “Dada” because I remember when it was their only word and it was used to express excitement at my presence, but I don’t mind any of them because whatever they call me, they’re calling me with love. As long as I can tell that they’re referring to me, I’ll always respond. I agree with you, though; I certainly don’t want the relationship depicted in the original picture.
They sometimes called their mother “Maker,” which is kind of an interesting choice IMHO, but the mother has pretty much the same attitude about it that I do. I call the kid “Little Bean” sometimes and plan to continue doing so no matter how big they get. Also, as a related side note, I got a lot of mileage out of all the bean memes on Lemmy back when that was the thing.
Our oldest, who is almost 17, calls me by my first name. Although I have heard her refer to me as “dad” when she thinks I’m not in earshot. When I adopted her, I promised she would never have to call me “dad” unless she wanted to.
We’ve since turned it into a running joke where when anyone asks why she calls me by my first name, she’ll tell them she did something so bad that she was never allowed to call me dad again as punishment.
Hah, nice.
Calling you “Dad” only out of earshot is sweet in a teenagery way.
Very wholesome, faith in humanity restored!
Im cracking up at maker, though id hold that in my back pocket if I was the kid since it radiates such sass.
They actually do hold it in reserve! They mainly use it when instructed to do something they don’t want to, like cleaning up.
“Please pick up the mess you made before getting out any more toys.”
robotic voice “Yes, Maker. Cleaning up.”
They’re a great kid with a lot of personality.
edit: Line breaks. I always get those wrong.
Mister would crack me up ngl
It is pretty cute. They only started doing it recently, so I’m not sure where they got it.
It makes me think of Dresden Files, wherein the protagonist lives with a cat named “Mister.”
Yes dad 😇
(It’s a joke, laugh.)
I’ve seen it as a respect thing in some cases. However this is way over the top.
In the cases I’ve seen it used it was to teach respect of others. Respect and Compassion were the family focus.
Fathers that have inadequacy issues.
My parents always preferred to be called by their first name 🤷 which would also be a good retort to that piece of shit father
“Since you want to treat my like any other people you know I’ll call you by your name.”
This is a good way to make certain that I only show up to your funeral to make sure you’re dead.
I’ve met people like this. They have the 70’s style mindset and are terrible leaders.
Plot twist: this is just OP’s dom texting him, not father.
How to lose your relationship with your child in one easy step.
If he’s this much of a shithead to his kids imagine how he treats everyone else
He is probably one of those people who as to get a talking to for scolding other peoples kids
In my experience these people are weak af and just exercising power on people relying on them because they don’t fight back. Literal human trash.
Not sure if father or Dom.
Honestly if taken out of context, hawt.
If this were posted in any other community I would think it were just some BDSM roleplay.
So, you should reply with “harder daddy”.
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I hope you are able to move out soon.
This is no way to live.No, you’re not a coward. You’re a survivor!
You can survive him. Just don’t think that him cosplaying as tough dad has any bearing on who you should choose to be or deserve to become. We all deserve supporting, emotionally mature parents. That you didn’t get one is not your fault.
Why would you be a coward for avoiding a conflict where if he was a normal person wouldn’t be any issue whatsoever? There is nothing to gain in that situation
Play the game along on a minimal emotional level, get out as soon as possible and let it be a lesson how to never turn out.
I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that from your dad. Get out when you can and never look back.
Coward? Not the right word. Survivor, would be the word I would choose. Are you old enough to get a job and ride a train alone? Can you get tf out of this? If not, keep surviving until you can get out, then run and never look back. Change your number, your usernames, everything else he can use to track your whereabouts. Block his number on the new phone, and just run. At that point, he died to you. Don’t even think about him. Don’t let him live rent free in your mind. Shove him out of your mind, and lead the good life you deserve. If you ever see him again in the future, pretend you don’t recognize him, pretend you’ve never seen him before, pretend he’s a complete stranger—he’s dead to you. This type of behavior he’s showing from the main screenshot and your other comments on here, leads to a manchild who never grew up, and this is not your responsibility to get him to grow up… that’s his responsibility, which he’s failing. Your responsibility is to survive, get tf out, then thrive. Good luck, son.
I want to stress this - you are not a coward. You have to do what is necessary to survive.
There’s good advice in this thread - do what you can to set up an exit strategy, and exit ASAP once you have arranged safeguards to support your survival. The earlier the better, but if it takes time to do successfully, take that time.
You are not weak. You are not worthless. You are not beholden to this man for your long-term survival, even if it’s necessary for the short-term. If you so choose, when you leave he will never see you again and die alone and forgotten. The only purpose his memory should serve in that case is as an example of what not to do, or how to live your life. Survive and seek out as much joy as this world makes available, so you can dance on his grave and empty your bladder on it before leaving it to decay.
I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this - but it is not permanent. Please remember this.
Mildly infuriating gif. You can clearly see he is yelling “Aye, sir! Aye, sir!”
He should consider himself lucky you call him dad. I know some fathers who are simply referred to by their first name by their children.
That’s how you survive until you can escape. If you’re over 18 and just lack the funds to leave, try a go fund me. I’ve seen them work on this before.
Yeah, poking the bear seems like a bad idea when the bear is in your house. I’m really sorry you’re living with this. If you feel comfortable sharing, how old are you? Do you have a plan to get away?
You did well. Now just ignore him if you can. I’d certainly never contact him again. My father died when I was 13, I prefer that, than dealing with this.
If it works, it’s a fine strategy for now. Just keep in mind that it’s just a strategy until you feel more comfortable and confident to set new boundaries that are good for you, too. I too suggest to stay away from him at some point. At a distance you are in a better position to reevaluate how you may or may not maintain a relationship with your dad. Stay strong, many people here understand and support you.
That’s what I thought too. But OP’s comments unfortunately tell a different story
Jeeze, that’s what I thought it was.
First of all, I am a sociopath. You know I’m also very fragile about my self-perceptions about gender and status, so any intimacy or attempted emotional connection is a threat. I’ll pretend to be fine right now, but I’m definitely going to ruminate on this and lash out later for reasons not even I fully understand. So watch your ass.
He’s right about one thing, he doesn’t deserve to be called “dad”. I think I speak for all us decent dads here when I say any one of us would be proud to have a kid who’s as smart, capable, and levelheaded as you sound. Keep your head down and get out as soon as you can.
Sorry you have to keep your head down like this. I hope you feel safe. Save texts like this somewhere safe, three places at least.
Life will get better. This man’s shade may haunt you, and I suggest you get therapy for it. You don’t have to be him, and once you are on your own you can call him whatever you want.
You don’t even need to talk to him
Okay let me just ask: How old are you? I wanna know how long till you can get away from this menace.
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Keep your head down, find a good network of extended friends/family you can bolt to in tough times if you haven’t already. Your home is likely a pressure cooker you do not want to be in when you don’t have to be. I’m sorry you have to grow up with this, it’s not right.
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Jesus your father is a jailer.
Does he ever get physically abusive?
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You need to contact CPS right away or whatever your equivalent is if not in the US.
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Document that shit, leave your phone on recording (discretely away from you).
:(
Good luck buddy you got this
Dude, at your age, I would go out with friends and not come back until noon the next day. All of that without ever telling them I was going out in first place.
Not to take light of the situation, but 10 pm bedtime isn’t unreasonable if you have problems waking up in the morning.
I have no context therefore I won’t judge.
Please stay safe, it’s unfortunate that humans such as your dad, sir, has children and no idea how to raise them.
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Ok understood. You sound awesome and don’t deserve the ire of that human.
the issue isn’t what time the bedtime is, it’s that there’s a bedtime at all.
I can see a “curfew” for a minor being one thing, but a mandatory bed time for a teenager is crazy to me. This guy is lucky I’m not his son, I’d have made his life hell for trying to control me. But then, I’ve always had issues with and rebelled against authority lol
Start your plans to escape now even though it’s a few years away.
Find sympathetic family members or close friends who’d be willing to take you in. Preferably someone who your dad doesn’t know, or at the least doesn’t know where they live.
Act as you usually would around him, don’t have him suspect anything.
When the time comes, spring your plan into motion. Notify your contacts that you’ll need to be picked up. Pack essentials into a bag. Include vital documentation (birth certificate, social security card, ID) since those can be difficult to replace. Bring your pets if you have them. Leave in the middle of the night when he’s sleeping. Don’t leave a note. Turn off read receipts on your messaging application. Minimize as much leverage as he has over you.
You’re escaping abuse, so your own personal safety here is paramount, don’t feel like you’re obligated to him in any way. He will try to manipulate you if he knows where you went, so it’s best to just ghost entirely.
I feel you. You do not deserve this! No child deserve this…
I hope you have the mental fortitude to survive.
Make it a point to call everyone “sir”. Cashiers, Waiters, people providing you with services, pets, inanimate objects, digital assistants…
Most importantly: your friends.
When an honorific is used for everyone, it ceases to be an honorific.
I’ve lived in the southern US a good portion of my life, where a lot of parents go by “sir” and “ma’am” and you are expected to call others in public as “sir” and “ma’am” respectively. So, while I see what you’re saying, the father in this case may agree unironically.
There are two types of people I call “Sir”: People I respect, and people I detest. I know the difference. I care not whether the detestable can figure out which category they occupy. That they false believe they have my respect serves me more than their belief I hold them in contempt.
I have a cousin who has a knighthood and he hates it when I call him ‘sir,’ so I do it to annoy him. He’s a physicist. (He was much more honored by winning an Ig Nobel Prize.)
To be fair, I would be too. He told me the queen asked him what he was there for and when he tried to explain it in brief, she just looked confused and moved on.
That’s not mileage infuriating, that’s fucking abuse.
