Imagine calling the suicide hotline, and telling them you wanted to tie a noose to catch a wild goat

Fuck. I need to go to Big Lots.

On top of that, I can’t imagine why someone would even Google something like this outside of domestic violence related reasons. Are people really expecting to find out from google why their spouse is upset with them in a typical argument?

Theoretically, yes, practically, no.

Like, if you got epilepsy, your muscles can cramp, and destroy your body tissue that way. That doesn’t mean it happens under any normal circumstances.

I’d say the de facto differences between the sexes is that one can kill their partner at the cost of sacrificing his own freedom in the process (believe it or not, straight to jail), while the other can utterly and entirely ruin the other’s life without any consequences at all, or even positive consequences like praise and recognition.

The one who doesn’t have an irrational temper?

Many people in abusive relationships don’t “fight back” because they’re emotionally abused as well, which seems likely relevant to someone searching for “x is yelling at me” (whatever the sex race or age).

a man would just get frustrated abt a woman yelling though

Thank you for completely disregarding the emotions of half the planet, very cool and very humanizing

If you go by traditional standards, yes. But more and more we are learning that men can be the abused too.

But regardless of being able to fight back, no side should be yelling at the other. Anybody yelling while arguing is an abuser.

Men routinely describe their wife being upset at them in any capacity as yelling at them.

That’s so funny, I had it in my head the exact opposite way. I feel like any time my voice stops being pleasant and friendly in a dispute with a woman, I immediately get accused of yelling at her.

Huh, so all those times my ex was yelling at me weren’t yelling? I suppose it also wasn’t banging doors, threatening divorce, or stomping out of the room?

And there you are dismissing the problem because it isn’t as prevalent for one group.

Do better for your fellow abuse survivors.

To me the both is from the same website as you got for “why is my husband yelling at me” (wellbeingscounselling.ca). woah, does this mean that my country is truly gender equal?

The second result I. The USA is the hotline too.

Yeah but if someone is searching “why is my wife/husband yelling at me,” the statistics on abuse for that sub-popularion may not be as skewed. And providing resources for men (especially men with children) doesn’t take Google that much more effort/money, and it provides a much needed service. As it stands, it is nearly impossible for an abused man (especially one with children) to seek out help using the types of services that are available for women. So if Google can help with that search a little bit, what’s the harm in showing that info? Aaand, even for someone searching about their abusive husband, the googler may be a man, and most services that are for abused women don’t have resources for men.

Streisand effect go!

Statistically speaking, however,

This way of looking at things is called collectivism. It’s the sort of philosophy that considers it okay to treat and individual according to the average experience of their group. For example, when someone points out that a woman can easily get help and a man is told to stop and consider his abuser’s needs, collectivism says “yeah but that man’s problem is smaller”.

Well, that’s the implication. That his problem is smaller than a woman’s problem would be.

It’s never actually said. Instead it’s described in terms of statistics and numbers. And these numbers describe the collective experience, not the individual experience.

OP is making a complaint from an individualist point of view: if a particular man is being abused, then that man faces significant obstacles in getting help.

Just because fewer men than women experience problem X, doesn’t mean that a man with problem X suffers less than a woman with problem X.

Dismissing the experience of the individual, or implying that it’s “bullshit” to highlight that individual experience (which is horrifying, as I know from being on one side of this issue, which is all the perspective I need to evaluate how horrible it feels and whether it’s okay).

People think the words collectivism and individualism map to:

Collectivism: considering others’ needs

or

Individualism: considering only one’s own needs

That’s not what those words mean. What they mean is:

Collectivism: Considering the needs of a group, and making ethical decisions based on group situation descriptors (such as statistics) and the implied sums of experience. Holding groups responsible, as a unit, for crimes. Recognizing groups, as a unit, for their accomplishments.

Individualism: Considering the needs of the individual, and making ethical decisions based on the individual’s situation (such as stories, relationships, health status, etc). Punishing or rewarding individuals for the actions they themselves committed.

But it’s not even a matter of policy primarily. It’s not like this policy is collectivist and that policy is individualist. Most prominently, these are lenses through which to view the world.

One of the dangers of collectivism is exactly this kind of reasoning (when collectivism is applied erroneously to individual policy or problem evaluation). Because more women experience X problem than men, we should prioritize the individual women’s problems over the individual man’s problems.

I am not accusing you of having said or implied the previous sentence

Now, collectivism isn’t bad or good. Individualism isn’t bad or good. The danger arises when one doesn’t distinguish between them. In the above italicized thought, for instance, a collective issue is used to make decisions about individual response. That’s not so good.

An example of good collectivist reasoning and ethics would be like: “After experimenting with different carbon tax rates, we have found that $65 per ton extracted results in the climate stabilizing”.

Collective problem, collective analysis (those atmospheric CO2 readings basically involve all of us), collective solution (a law, which applies to everyone in the group, i.e. all Earthers)

An example of good individualist reasoning and ethics would be like: “Mike is constantly yelled at by Susan. Almost every day, she goes off the handle and yells at him for hours. His health is suffering from this. Therefore we’re connecting Mike with a shelter and a social worker who’s going to help him learn that he’s too valuable to accept that treatment”

Collectivism, Individualism. Two lenses for looking at problems, just like physics and chemistry are two ways of looking at the world.

Thanks for minimizing the abuse I went through. Fuck you. Maybe a big part of why men are underrepresented in abuse statistics is because we are considered the abuser by default and are expected to just suck it up and take it. Go eat a bag of dicks, apologist.

My siblings and I were raised by an abusive narcissist who spent most of her free time screaming at my dad, when she wasn’t emotionally abusing and neglecting us.

But of course the cultural narrative was that men are only and always abusers, and women are only and always abused - so we normalised it; our whole reality bent around the notion that she was the poor innocent beleagured victim just doing her best to survive.

We took a vast amount of damage because an interpretation where she was the abuser simply wasn’t available to us - instead of forming defenses against her, we rendered ourselves more vulnerable.

I don’t take kindly to being told to go fix women’s problems first before mine will matter.

Yes, but the statistics are suspect. Are we going by reports? By people who get help? By people who ask? Convictions?

There was a professor where I live about 20 or 30 years ago who was researching domestic violence. The more data she collected the more it started to appear the domestic violence against men was about as high as it was against women. When she presented her results, she lost her tenure.

This was before the internet was well established, I heard it on the radio, and I don’t remember her name. But I just looked at this page by Stastics Canada. Note this line:

In 2019, spousal violence continued to be significantly more common among women, with 4.2% of women experiencing such violence compared with 2.7% of men.

Now here’s the interesting part. If we assume the gender spilt is 50% male and 50% female, which is very close to reality, that means women are 61% of the victims of domestic violence (4.2÷(4.2+2.7)). That’s a pretty small difference in my opinion, and pretty dismissive of 39% of the victims of abuse.

Imagine being told that your pain matters less because not as many people who look like you suffer from it.

deleted by creator

edit: currently lol’ing at the fact that some of you people out there are so pathetic that you disagree with equality. That’s fine, enjoy your sexist lives you ingrates.

All I’ve got to say is that I might begin to take female domestic abuse victims with a grain of salt if I’ve any suspicion they would treat male victims similarly. Because to many victims, it is obvious that it can happen to anyone and be perpetrated by anyone, regardless of gender of either. But if they say men can’t be abused, that just tells me that they have never experienced abuse and removes any credibility from anything they could possibly say about the subject.

There’s a difference between thinking that male victims of domestic abuse don’t deserve sympathy or support, and thinking that it’s okay for “useful search results” to vary according to gender.

The results are biased because the danger is biased.
It’s an unfortunate reality that information about domestic violence is more likely to be useful to a woman concerned about an angry male partner than the opposite.

That doesn’t minimize the suffering of men who do need support, it’s just putting information more likely to be useful first.
The domestic abuse hotline is the second result, and the first one also affirms that everyone deserves to feel safe in their relationships, and to calm the hotline if you don’t.

“My wife/husband hit me” both yield the same results, which makes sense.

it is.